Why I’m not on social media

During August I came off social media completely.

After previously deleting my personal instagram account and remaining there only as The Mama Sanctum I finally pulled the plug on Insta entirely as well as Facebook (including both my personal profile and business page). I haven’t had an account on X since before it was called that, and as of July even my YouTube channel has been hidden and virtually only used to play LoFi videos for my daughter. She loves this one!

I made this decision knowing that it is in every way counterintuitive for a business, especially one that is in the early months of operation. Yet, I’d had a growing awareness of my conscience calling me in this direction for some time.

Taking time off social media during Lent (the several weeks of buildup to Easter) the last two years planted the seed for leaving it all behind decisively. I went in to these times thinking the break would have a lasting effect by way of reducing my socials use even after Easter had arrived, but it only showed me that as long as I had those accounts and apps on my devices I would never be fully relieved of their burden on me.

The seed germinated when I read an amazing book a few months ago called “The Fulfilment of All Desire” about the spiritual life and growing in union with God. I learned about detachment (also known as ‘freedom’) from things that get in the way of one’s inner connection with God. The book describes the lives of several holy people and as I read abour their desire to detach from things that distracted them from their deep longing for union with God I experienced that same desire increasing in me. I was undeniably attracted to the idea of simplifying my life and creating more space in my soul to be filled with love and grace.

This attraction was reinforced anytime I would use FB or Instagram to comment on someone’s post (since I very rarely used it to post my own content) because it left me feeling mired in pride. Pretty yucky! Being primarily a consumer of other people’s lives, businesses and opinions could in a matter of moments fill the space in my head with comparison, ego, and overthinking. As a doula following other birthy accounts, even the most positive content-creators had stuck-in-the-mud comment sections aplenty.

In light of this growing awareness of my weakness in that space, I have desperately desired to detach from such stimulus and make more room inside myself for Divine Love and greater peace in my relationships with others. I expect this to be a gradual process, but the freedom I feel already is testament to what progress will eventually achieve: in me, in my kids, and in my work as a doula. It’s exciting to think about how much more creative inspiration can flow through me to this site now that I’m not spending energy on other platforms one way or another. I look forward to cultivating a truly sacred space on these pages, one which speaks to the sanctity of family life and the blessing that each baby brings into this world. It has me wondering what it would be like to throw out the TV next!

Deleting Facebook and Instagram has come at the right time. There are 30 days to backtrack deleting my FB account and I have no idea how many are left since I’m not at all tempted.

But what does this have to do with The Mama Sanctum?

I’m embracing being harder to find, off the beaten track, perhaps a little bit mysterious…

I understand that not everyone needs to do this, but I certainly needed it and I was truly ready to do it. It cost me nothing apart from the risk of being harder for potential clients to find. To be fair, though, I had already chosen not to link from the website to my social media accounts when The Mama Sanctum went live, because it didn’t align with my values. I wanted people to find this sanctuary, rather than see in this brand another would-be influencer to add to their list of things to scroll past each day.

I now feel more aligned with my hopes for the birth community and the women I work with. There are so many voices competing for attention and influence on instagram and other platforms among birthy people and an excess of content to filter and decipher if you’re an expecting mum. How do you know who to listen to when there is so much conflicting advice? How do you escape being sucked into the vortex of comment sections and reply threads just to get a simple answer or a sense of direction?

My goal for The Mama Sanctum is to prioritise face-to-face partnership with mamas alongside filtering and catering information so they don’t have to feel at-sea and overwhelmed. I find the very best resources and information that cuts right through to the fundamentals. And I make sure to prioritise acknowledging mamas’ emotional and spiritual wellbeing and growth as their families expand. So having freedom from socials to grow emotionally and spiritually in the ways that I need to is setting me on the right track to being the doula I know I’m called to be.

Now I’m off socials, I don’t keep my phone near me very often and I don’t check it much except for the time. This helps me to be more present to my kids and to myself.

Why am I so confident in such a radical decision?

To be all of a sudden disconnected from so much online activity is not something I could have imagined choosing not so long ago, and yet it was super easy for me. This testifies that it was not my own idea, nor my own work which made it possible. It is something being wrought in me by a higher Influencer. I’m only responding to the call from elsewhere, and the call is unique to me and my soul’s needs. In other words, I take no credit for it! If anything it shows my weakness that I even needed to do something so radical. But power is made perfect in weakness.

Have you ever been tempted to ditch some form of media consumption? Perhaps, like me, you have an unhealthy relationship with something (or even someone). Perhaps you discern in quiet interior moments that you feel miraculously able to live without that relationship, despite the costs. Are you being called, too?

From the inner sanctum of my heart to yours…

XO

Deborah

PS: Now to design some me some kickass business cards! I’m going to need them…